Saturday, July 28, 2007

Attitude - What Phase of it

Was chatting with a workplace collegue of mine during a once in a while free time. She is about to transfer to Laundry as she say she cant take the "Standards" of services. As in the pervious resturant she does not need to follow that till she joined our line.

She will take on the Initial S, and i will be my M.

S : Hey, just telling you, I'm getting a transfer to Laundry next week, so you can have the whole resturant to yourself.

M : What you mean the whole resturant to myself? And yar, I did heard about the transfer from the AM.

S : Well its like you are always working so hard, so it makes it look like you own this resturant. But why work so hard? 5pm got people to take over you already, and its now 4pm, you should just go around to slack.

M : Well I'm paid now to do this, so its not really any mistake of mine to be clearing the trolly now. I have to give in my share of what I am paid for, even if its just a mere $5.50 per Hour.

S : Thats a good thinking, but don't you think your too naive? I mean its like, those indian guys are always slacking when its busy, so why work so hard, just be like them lar?

M : Well its ok to slack, but What I am trying to do is not just working, I am proving that those guys are useless, its easy to see that I am better than those good for nothing who cant even get things done properly.

S : But they still gain, I mean like you do all their job, won't they be like more than happy?

M : But you are merely looking on the surface! If you were to see the underneath, I am establishing a contact with my bosses, this means I am given more respect, much more than a Full timer, and Respect comes way better.

S : But still you are losing out for being naive, Don't you think?

M : Well look at this side, Don't you feel better when you see a work done nicely (Me points to the clean Trolly) and that your concious actually feels good?

S : That is indeed a good thinking, but the person who tires out first is you, issint it?

M : Well, atlease when I am done with work, I feel better than slacking around doing nothing.

S : Maybe thats the difference between ages. I'm 30+ this year, and normally I am kicked around after my use have being expired. But your still young. Maybe thats why.

(The conversation came to a halt here as I have to run off to clear more stuff.)

From the above conversation, Its easy to tell, that the thinking of how I belive in working is different, maybe from nationality (She is from Malaysia, while I am born local) Family Background, age and maybe gender.

But the thing is that, what i felt that my pespective might be naive, or simple. But I do feel that, giving all you can during work and make yourself exhausted due to it is more fun, and it gives you a better sense of satisfaction. It make you feel that you are needed and makes it more noticible to people of your presents.

Heres a short story i read about before.

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Mr Chan is a Manager in a large Logistic Company, his in his forties, worked with this company since his twenties and rised to his current position since the large retrenchment of the older workers, when his 28 year old.

He have being stuck with the same position for 10+ years, everyday he will try to make himself look busy and shan away from meetings, avoiding any workload and distributing it to all his subordinates when he gets any, always claming credits and also flattering his boss.

One day a new worker who joined the company, after a few weeks of his observation, he openly asked Mr Chan in his office when being appointed the job which he recived from his higher ups.

"Sir, may I ask you, What have you wanted to accomplish this many years working here?"
Mr Chan replied in a quiet tone "Just earning my living enough to retire, thats all I ever wanted in life." The young blood replied, with a straight tone " I have heard of all your stories Mr Chan, did you know that if you would have channelled those effords in advoiding work into seriously doing something, You would not have being here, but at the higher floors (Director/President Floor) for a few years ago."

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What does this story shows, is that when someone really do try hard, he/she can make a difference, and defitnitely will make something come out of nothing. Its the same when you used all the best you can to avoid work, you wasted precious effort in something so trivial, which is a sad issue.

What I do feel is that, God Helps those who Self Helps, Not those who always find the leeway out, but those who puts burdens on themself and slowly solve them, be it how long it takes to solve them.

Plus, Never expect to get in luck, but always keep a positive attitude in life, for everything comes with a price, never expect something to happen to you without paying off. Unless its in your dreams.

Friday, July 27, 2007

What does it mean by being Friends

This shall be a post, insipired by what Kiat Kai posted, and of what had being going on around me for times.

要开始说的话,那就从最近认识的朋友说起吧。

Its being fun, that knowing people online, getting to know that they are of the same interest with you. You share the same thoughts, you share the same interests, you share the same height which brought you throught life. But all you know of him/she might just be a nick name which appears on the particular channel. Soon you meet up with him/she to find out that you actually had crossings with he/she before in your life. But never know till you two finally chatted on the Internet.

However, While you soon stay with this person, you reliase that his/she is of different background, of a different birth right or place from you, you feel a difference which still seperates the two of you, he/she might feel it too, but both of you just ignored to enjoy the fun you guys feel best. Playing, Singing, Watching Movie, going out for a meal, meeting up after work and more.

But soon you felt the difference still tears a part off you, and you felt the same off the other party. And soon it fells to static and no one starts to meet up. The atmosphere starts to change and when you last knew it, that person merely returned to the same nickname, on the same channel. Which is the same for you.

What my point in the previous chapter is happening now, in real life, be it on me or on others. Its right now happening. What is sad about this, is that people care too much about differences and faults. Which can never remove as long as people choose to compare with other things.

For me, this online community i have being with thus far, had being fun. Made new friends, gain new knowledge, but still till now, all i can say about most of them is that, it just resumes back to the nickname i see, every time i log on, under my nickname which people know me as (even in real life people do call me by that nickname).

Its sad, how human have evolved till now, the sad truth of their ownself of not able to allow difference between each other stays. Cases happen here and there, sometimes people just cant accept others easily. It always take some sudden surprises to make some people change, but most of the time, its too late for salvation.

What i felt that being friends, is of people, not related to you, able to share all your joy, your sadness, your burden, while you do so for them. Caring for them while they look out for you. In a platonic and Mutual way. Not for any benificial purposes but just for the sake and for the point of being "Friends".

If you were to key in "Friends" in Wikipedia, the first refered topic would surprises you.
Its "Friends : an American situation comedy". Surprising? Surprising to me too. When looked under the "Friends (disambiguation)" section, the only closest thing you have is "friendship".
And most of those things under that column is mostly bullshit concening to the term "Friends".

Why else do they teach or tell you about Declining of a Friendship!

ITs bullshit.

What i felt sad about, is that when it comes to friendships now adays, its not as "pure" as what it is in the past after all. Like what kiat kai said, besides the computer which will not betray him, but just gives some errors, everyday's interaction with others is a close combat of whether you will get something bad coming back to you or not. Its not a nice thing issint it?

Its being manipluated, twisted, altered to suit to someone's favour, but at someone's disfavour. And this does not change, it turns to tyrany and soon evolved to Slavery. Why does this happend? When someone keeps demanding in the name of "Friendship". Personally i belive that there should be a Give and take policy all the time. But its a "Give" when you can and never expect when to "Take". Why expect? Let it comes as a surprise, issint that even greater than knowing it coming?

Its always like this, that people wish others to do nice things for them, but never helping others back. If someone offers to help, but cant help all the way, give that guy some credit, he tried to help but cant thats all, but why the rent?

"That fool tried to help, but his just a piece of stool infront of it after all, speaking of help he should just STFU in the first place."

Thats what people always get, instead. Sad truth, sad Reality, Sad face of fact everyone has to face throught.

With the internet growing like this days, soon people will interact less and lesser. Till the point where soon no one goes on the street, no one whispers a good luck around to those around them, no one blessing someone when sneezing, no more warmth. The city will be dead, and those emotions will only be expressed online, where only "Un-Real" relationships, across people who fight on games while each aims for their own piece of item which they will take after getting it, and signing off to avoid those who partied with him for it. Across people whom give other players because other "Female" players asked for it, and some suckers just send their own treasure vault up for them, never knowing if they are female in real life at first. The most common Emotion seen will be Anger, Shooting and Flaming with almost every vulgrities they can muster and also more and more emots and macros which could replace the whole of English lanuage to be surfaced.

This is what this world will turn out to be, if all of us should follow this way.

With all those backstabbing and throttling of faith and trust

With all those who take and never give

with all those who lies and cheats they way out

I have nothing much about them as compared to my own situation of Social Circle.

My social circle has always being easy to figure out.

Secondary School Friends, Poly Friends, Online Friends, Workplace Friends, My family.

ITs all of them, which i do care, My life has never being a dull with them around, which contributed to my personality as of now. Even thought there will be people who hate me, i will always have friends to standby me. Even thought they might be busy, but they are still there, as they recognise and acknowledge me as their friend, I will too do my best, to be your friend.

Last, this shall be a song, which lingers long enough in my trusty zen, which kinda remind me of my feelings in the past, during special occasions. Enjoy, for those who read this.

A Drop of Tenderness

Uverworld

===================================================================

I thought that even though sometimes
Our feelings didn't match up, the end would never come
But now you're gone
The thread is cut off
No matter how loud I yell, I can't go back there

Even if I love the times
We walk along together holding hands
The closer we get to our dreams, the further apart we become
We said
It was so we could each make our dreams come true

Yo, listen to me
I found a drip in my heart
And I called it "forever"
Oh, it's fake and An inviting word, in other words
Crack in the middle of that passion
Because 'cause I want you

Live alone, live alone, live alone

You always Were able to spot me just from seeing my back
As I walked through a crowd of people
But now you don't even realize "you seem so far away"
Though you're passing right by me

The small words that wounded you
Now make such a painful sound
A drop of tenderness, the last drop
It hits me, dark red like blood

You chose to live alone
So you wouldn't hurt or get hurt
Even when my heart can forgive
It's all just unskilled lies

Live alone, live alone, live alone

I kept thinking
That even though our feelings never matched up
The end would never come
I'll carve it on my heart
This drop that washes away
No matter how loud I yell, I can't go back there

You always
Were able to spot me just from seeing my back
As I walked through a crowd of people
But now you don't even realize that I'm standing right in front of you
Though you're passing right by me

(I can't go back)
Now I can hear
Those words you almost said that day
"I'm in you"

(You've got a place in me, that's forever)

I hold on to the same words
So they don't disappear

Something more than words that won't disappear, more than words ah
Something more than words that won't disappear, more than words ah

More than words
===================================================================

有时总觉得,朋友之间,还是花点时间给自己一个人静静的放松一下。。。。

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

我不知所措的想法

这则文章将会是一封对我自己内心的告白信,但会不会离题,那就得看我的心情了。
不知为什么,最近在我脑海里被很多事情轰炸,使我很容易分心。总觉得我又犯了什么错,忘了什么,或又得罪了谁。总觉的混身不自在,又不知道原因何在,只能把这些来路不明的烦恼抛至一旁,但这么做使到我觉得越来越多东西还没办妥。肩膀上重了使多。 我唯一想到的办法就是把它们一篇一篇的,写在这部落各上。让我把它们一一的解决,好让我能不被它们拖住。

现在的我,只能说是过一天,算一天。 为什么会变成这么样子呢?那是因为每天,不管我在干什么,我都有心无力,想做的东西多的事,但真正在作时却不想做了。而且是什么都不想做的情形,我也很呐闷我从几而时变成这幅德兴。我总觉得在家里,每一次,当我妈和我姐大吵一架时,我能做到的只是看她们吵架,什么也作不到。不管我是多么的想阻止,不管我多么的想闭上她们的嘴。我都做不到。

突然之间,我觉得我真像个废物。我无能为力,什么都做不到,唯一作得到的之是走开或者把电脑的声音提高,试着逃避现实。况且,这是一件我每次一碰到不顺的事情时所作的第一件事,或当我心痛时,我总是在逃避,就算我拚了命的使用我的意志力的控制,我还是会逃,逃到我的世界里。我觉得我本身是一个无可救药的人,所以我重来不喜欢朋友这么容易放弃,因为我觉得他们至少不会像我这么没出息。

每一次,当我一想到我自己不管做什么事都失败是,我就什么都不想做。我最近越来越自暴自弃,脾气也越来越坏,自要我一觉得事情不顺我预定的想法时,我就很生气。就算是情过去后,我也会耿耿于怀,应为我不知为什么我会着么堕落,我试着自我反省过,但看来这都没用。有时我不明白为什么我会这么样子,而我不管这么样都觉得我还是一样的自己。一个永远不会长大和成熟的男人,就算外表变了,我觉得我的内心还是这么的幼稚。

从以前我就觉得,人,只要敢,什么都能做得到。但我以学到了,这只是一种上一辈人的想法。在这个时代,人已变迁,人性也一样的,被这新时代个毒害了心。现代人以不想从前,以礼相待,而是先礼后兵的方法对付其它人。但是我还是觉得用从前的方法比较好,使得我以前其中一个同事说过我是个‘古代人’。到现在我才明白为什么他会这么称呼我,应为有时很多人已为我是个很天真的人。

但是没有,趁今每有一个能真正了解我是个什么人。应为我是个多重形态的一个人。在工作上,在家庭了,在朋友当中和与心仪的人在一起时,我都是不一样的。我本身也不清楚为什么我是这样子,有可能是应为这是我自我报护自己的方法把。从小我就很会找借口,不管是什么麻烦我都会尽量的找。我很怕麻烦,因为从小就吃藤条长大的我很不喜欢,但是我却是每次把麻烦惹上身。

现在已经过了凌晨一点,但我丝毫没有一丝睡意。到头来最大的一个烦恼总归是感情之事。总觉得,做工场所不像以前一样,就算是一样的地方,一样的空气,一样的摆设。到头来,硬撑的人还是我。我一直在欺骗自己,告诉我自己她在不在都一样,告诉我自己她不在顶多只是少了一个每天看见我时称呼我为‘男朋友’,我称呼她‘女朋友’的一个工作伙伴。但是,就算我告诉我这只不过是和一前一样,我改不了一件实事。那就是我对她产生了真的感情。我撤撤地地的爱上了她。

她是我第一个,面对面的告白的对象。也是我第一个在我做工厂所表白的对象。就算当时她只是把我当成一个玩伴,一个她能随时想逗得人, 我也不希罕被她玩,应为我相信只要我不放弃,我还是有机会的。就算这种能成功的例子我也只在爱情漫画或小说上读得到,我也不想放弃。应为这是我现在为一的梦想了。

说实在的,我还是不知道我究竟以后想做些什么。我暂时什么目标或梦想都没有,连就算以后要着么扛起家里的金钱负坦也暂时也没有什么着落。

说是在的,我看就在这里停一停先。 否则明天又要睡过头了。