Life / Uverworld - Hakanaku mo towa no kanashi

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Title : Hakanaku mo towa no kanashi (Fleeting and everlasting sorrow)
Band : Uverworld
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Just about everything is so, right?
In situations where you get bad penalties, there's always the reality of covering them up and faking them
In the era of distorted dilemmas
Even we, who should have made a promise together, pass by each other without noticing

The city that won't change even if it's gone
Won't seek our salvation, right?
In the guise of someone honest
Everyone is inside of a crumbly crystal

Because I make more and more lies

Love only hurts me always...or so you whispered
You were scared of believing and cried, didn't you?
Learn your weaknesses and become strong, by believing without fear
You'll learn of true love, before it turns into hatred, right?

What I wanted
Isn't this heartless and contrived world
On the unviewable days without fragments of reason
Lonleyness dwelt in my eyes that are tired of seeing

Lies that heal the heart- They exist
But it's a lie that will steal my heart, right?

Even if I'm to draw closer to love, I'll only be bitten...or so I whispered
I stopped believing and lived like that
With thoughts that I'm amazed of even if I stand up against despair
It's fine if I'm clinging onto a brief life

What I wanted
Isn't this heartless and contrived thing

A love lost in this city-
If I search for its meaning
I'll become a little better and be able to move on, right?

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Yesterday was book out day, although its xmas eve, but everything felt so different. Seems like what friends told me is right, army does fucks people up the brain. Everything feels so different. I even need to take awhile to get use to the keyboard again, plus xmas eve does not feel like xmas eve, I just want to close my eyes.

I just want to close my eyes away from the fatigue, both mental and physical, away from training, away from those irritating area cleaning, away from all the stress from the mortal world. I just want to wake up to a world where noise does not exist. But that remains a dream.

All I wanted was to feel like whatever I am doing is right, is something worth it, is something which people will not feel irritated. But its not easy to get things straight and right that easily. Still things have to go on.

Went out wif the buds today, its being long since I can feel quite normal about going out, but still whenever I check the time on my watch, it feels like as if I'm watching for the time I'm suppose to finish my meal/fall in for lessons/pt's. It feels super tiring when your brain keeps revolving the schedule given, and that failing to meet the timing means punishment. No more of the slacking overtime crap before leaving home, now is once time is up just go.

More time is being eaten up to finish up admin issues, even at home, getting my stuff ready, reading out important stuff. When out in my uniform I must watch for my behaviour, my dressing or else I'll get charged. Not following orders given out by commanders means defying of general orders equates to Detention Barracks. Even when you give in your best you get fucked for the smallest of issues, or worse when its not even related.

People belive that others should give in, help them and all they need is just to ask and expect you to give them the best in everything but never want to return back the favor. They just want to get you to do their stuff, even while your fucking busy and seems unable to complete your own job.

Army life, so much for the crap reasons, is merely a situation where logic does not meet orders, where the end seems so far, but the requirment still insists that you get there, where nothing seems impossible but against the rules of conduct which is so ridiculous, where they feel like fucking you you just have to "lan lan suck thumb".

Dumb fucked logic, Stupid selfish people, fucked up attitude, demanding people. All this equates to the situation I'm in now, harsh it may seem, but I'm still looking forward to a better day as I go through my usual way of getting on with the days.

Wake up, look forward to breakfast, look forward to lunch, look forward to dinner, look forward to RO, look forward to admin hour. Thats how I've being able to keep myself sane this few days in Tekong, even thought in between those hours I've being fucked, di siaoed, irritated, pissed off and also Sianzored. Thats how army life is in BMT.

May the book in be safe and sound.

2230 Nights out

REC Melvin Reflection Done